At the late night ... double feature... picture show

Rocky horror... always a blast. I can't believe you showed up. I can't believe what i wore.

only you will know how i feel...
i would be honoured to work with you too...

IPhone got sick tonight.... had to restore, its taken the last 3 hours to get it back to working order.
*sigh*

plus side, got photos, and more shoots lined up.

road trip tomorrow...?????

Thank YOU... :).

"As are you my head turning hottie from the land of greatness"

i feel so incredibly special.

who knew such a beautiful friendship would start to blossom is such a small amount of time.

wow...

P.S. You have the most stunning eyes I have seen in some time

drinks . . . ?

with me? REALLY?!?!?!? Thats so freaking cool!!

I wish i knew what to do, so glad you are so awesome to give up your number and offer to chat.
I'm excited. You have so much knowledge.

if you were the teacher for the course, i'd stay in for sure.

grade 8 . . .

how long ago WAS that????

what do i have to do?

I hear what you’re not saying
Loud ‘n’ clear
I’ve long since stopped asking
How you feel
If I’m ever gonna be
Any closer to you
Oh what do I have to do
To get you
To talk to me
Say anything
Just see me in the room
I don’t wanna be a flower on the wall of your world
Wilting away
How hard is it just
To have a simple conversation
Ask me all about
A book I read or how my day went
For me to get through to you
Oh what do I have to do
If I thought it’d make a difference
I’d take up golf
And the next time you go fishing
I’d tag along
I’d write it word for word
Across the sky
That if you don’t love me back I’ll die
What do I have to do to get you
To talk to me
Say anything
Just see me in the room
I don’t wanna be a flower on the wall of your world
Wilting away
How hard is it just
To have a simple conversation
Ask me all about
A book I read or how my day went
For me to get through to you
Oh what do I have to do
Yeah
Oh how hard is it just
To have a simple conversation
Tell me about
How your long day at work went
For me to get through to you
Oh what do I have to do
Oh yeah
Oh what do I have to do

so many ways . . .

AWWW .. I feel so special. Went to the Systatic show tonight, got mentioned as soon as i arrived on the mic by the band. it was very sweet... even if it announced my tardiness.
then cause i missed MY FAVORITE song they played it and dedicated it for me near the end of the night.
so nice to see everyone... even if it was a little strange.

so jealous of you today... I wish i was able to do some of those things.. what an amazing experience you got to be a part of. i hope i get to see some of it.

dim sum tomorrow i think......

make me happy . . . .

Figured out how to finally get my songs onto my computer tonight... so happy... then reorganized the whole damn thing... there must be a faster way, and when i figure that out i'm sure i'll kick myself.... but at least its done now.
i won't get bored with the songs on here for a while..i'm thrilled.

also best dinner ever tonight, such a great group completely random but everyone got along so well.

listening

well.... funny note you left me... not sure if you knew it was from my birthday...
or that i had thought of sending you that a long time ago...

have a different one i'd like you to hear...

Flip Flop

I came across this today . . . . and it seems . . . . perfect.


This is it. I don’t know why exactly I’m doing this other than the fact that it needs to be done. I cannot keep it in anymore yet I don’t know how to express things probably. I guess it doesn’t matter anyway except to myself. It will hit this brick wall and filter down into whatever abyss you have down there. You are always in the right and I am always in the wrong. You always push me around, take advantage of me. You claim that I treat you horribly. Flip flop.

Do you know how much you hurt me? Do you even realize that you continuously dig that knife deeper and deeper into me? Every little thing you do – the way you talk, the way you stand, the way you laugh, the way you chew your food – annoys the crap out of me. And the reason why it annoys the crap out of me is because you have hurt me so much. And you won’t even hug me anymore. You say don’t get upset but how am I supposed to feel?

I suppose I’m not like you. I don’t forgive others when they treat me like garbage. I let others abuse and abuse and abuse until I’m at my breaking point and then nothing can be saved. I allowed you to abuse me because I thought you loved me. You love the power. You love the fact that I need you. I did need you at one time.

I don’t respect myself and I don’t respect you. I can work on the not respecting myself issue because only I have to blame for those circumstances and I can change. But I can’t change you and I can’t make you ask about me or be proud of me or even want to spend some time with me or even hug me. I also don’t want to be your maid and your second best. The person you always run to when nobody else is around. When you put me in that position of second best I didn’t respect you. When you treat me like this I don’t respect you. When you make those decisions, opening yourself up again and again and again I don’t respect you. When you are selfish I don’t respect you. If I cannot even mutter your name without some sort of hurt or judgement, obviously there is a problem there.

The person who you say you have a connection with you also kick around. Let’s be realistic, shall we? I’m everything you love and hate about yourself. That is the connection. I realize now I’m too good for this.

Of course you will call me silly. You call me an overreactor since there is no way possibly that you could be the source of these issues. There is no way that you couldn’t be a perfect saint. Everybody likes you. Everybody has to like you – you have some sense of isolation when one person doesn’t like you. Well guess what. I haven’t liked you for six months. And yes I was testing you. You knew what a hard time this was for me and yet you didn’t even call. It is that circular relationship – I think that you are going to call and be there for me. You said that you always would be. Obviously you were lying. You even ruin my plans for that big night two years in a row and this year you don’t even call.

But I let you ruin my plans. I let you hurt me. I let you in to make me cry. And I can’t do that to myself anymore. There are two solutions…the circular relationship…one more chance…why am I hanging on…either you recognize my feelings and you recognize me to be a human being with thoughts and opinions and emotions that are not to be constantly taken advantage of or we never talk to each other again.

I’m afraid to officially realize that I lost what I valued. That I lost it a long time ago but it is not yet a reality.

And that’s what I thought. This is it. What should I expect from perfection?

By the way. You owe me alcohol money.

C. Clarke

well . . .

hostory repeats itself....
and it sucks more every time.
i get calmer.... drunkeer.... but the result is the same
i'm left feeling like sh*t ..


i feel awful...
i kep rewiding grease 2.... i feel like aomzbie...
i don't want o move.
i can't focus.

my oomie cooks and cleans...
shes nice tat way.

i'm never thrown anything... at ANYONW.... until today.

cleaned up the shrapnel/

went to singing... it din't even amke me ghappy.. i couldn't even see the orks/

"I don't know why . . ."

THE F YOU DONT....
AND even if you "don't know why" which is BS... you still DID it...
we talked . . . 2 days ago... only 2 days ago... for the whole day... then you went SILENT on me at the bar... i thought you finally understood... i guess i thought wrong... from you... from both of you... when i was already so uncomfortable being there . . .I am at a loss. it blows my mind
i'm so mad i don't even want to speak...
actually...
i'm quite calm.... maybe i'm not mad... maybe i expected this somehow...
i'm not sure.
I clearly don't know you at all.. and i never will... i get that much now more than ever.
i hope you're asleep. i don't want to talk.

congratulations . . . . i hope YOU'RE happy....
have a good trip. I'm glad you liked your stupid cake.
I love you.....

i need to get out of this city already.
i hate it more and more everyday

umm

I don't even know what to say . . . . . .

one week . . .

and you're gone...
seen you now two days in a row... when will you complain. LOL
I have never met anyone who knows so little about music
it blows my mind.
I still might miss you...
I'm sorry you realize you're not "the same' you can't be. I apologize, and yet I don't.
I shouldn't have to. You had your chance... You didn't take it. You never will.

married . . .

well... as I said i now know what it feels like to be married.... ha ha ha and NOT in the newlywed phase . we come home, you CONFUSE me... but climb into my bed... ON MY SIDE... so you move, i sit on my laptop and you play on your internet.... we don't speak except to show each other something interesting we've found.. we dont touch.. cause thats not us... we're friends.. you still make no sense...

"i go crazy in here... when you're not around... and then when i'm with you.. i'm happy..."

i'm trying to understand. but at this point i'm not sure I ever will..

Put those back in . . . . LOL

Tears catch in the back of my throat, but you won't tell me when you leave. . . Strange, you drive me mad. But I will miss you. Don't forget me on your trip.... You've turned into such a good friend . . . who knew?

Although tonights plans . . . NOT something i'd ever expect from you.. after all you "hated" the nurse fundraiser I dragged you too... I am thinking this may very well be similar... it IS called Freakshow after all. But thats fine.

I guess I'll see you soon... or later... you're so . . . helpful.

maybe I won't miss you after all.

Curiousity killed the cat . . . .

and it will kill me too.

Giddy.... I'm dying to know

hsm2 . . . .too short notice?

class = CANCELLED??????
now to make a choice....


*sigh*

where are you today?

i ask questions . . . nothing.
and i have no many right now...
i'm so confused.
so much i want to know.

auditioned tonight... too short for one role, but maybe ok for a different one... it was fun. it could be fun.
more auditions later in the month.

missing

went to jubilations tonight... got to do a stage bit.... i miss it...
oh do i miss it.
can't wait for classes to start again, and more auditions.

news . . .

Today....
I worked
I cleaned
I got a roommate . . . slightly damaged....
I ate some food...
I still feel off and crappy.
I talked to you.
I learned a new song.... two actually...

Oh my goodness . . .

do you ever frustrate me!!!!!
LOL
:)